Death by the JAWS ice cube...

in the event of my death...
"Have you seen this ice cube?...because it is awesome!"
da da daaah da...da da daaaaaah ...
On a related note, if one cared to annoy the authorites,
or at least puzzle them for a minimal time,
committing sepaku by a sword made of ice
would suffice...
Where is the weapon?...
MELTED.
If only bullets could be made of ICE...

I GUESS THAT WOULD MAKE IT A WATER GUN. -h.

Alphabetically Bad to Consume Drugs...

in the event of my death... Never,  OR with extreme caution...
do AMPHETAMINES while practicing ARCHERY...
do heavy BARBITUATES while blow drying your hair in the BATHTUB...
do CRACK/COCAINE while canoeing.       PERIOD.     and ouch...
do DILAUDID while DANGEROUSLY DRAG RACING...
do ECSTASY while EATING escargot, or eel, or ANYTHING  with your F A M I LY. ooooooh.

do . .. ... whaT You cAn to.... Not...DrIVe  YoUrSeLf...    ...      F * C K I N G     crAzY. -h.

Famous last words...

in the event of my death...Death can come unsuspecting, as hindsight is a foul thing.

Words to die by, and unfortunalety remembered for..."I don"t need a helmet..."..."Is that a car coming?..."...I don't THINK I left the gas on..."..."I can outrun the cops for sure!"-in my 1989 chevy station wagon.. "I can get this REALLY clean with ammonia AND bleach!"..."Let"s use the railing (on the 13'th floor) as a CATWALK! C'mon, it"ll be fun!"..."What could possibly go wrong?...and "Oh shit..."...-h.

I am damned to Hell, but...

In the event of my death,,,

I think by most confines of organized religion I am relegated to the depths of fiery doom...Premarital sex      ( Catholic), Suicide attempts ( Catholic, again)...Hah! but I am still here..., Drugs and alcohol (Mormon),  eating beef (Hindu), killing a fly (Buddhist), ... IF I thought Heaven or Hell existed I might be scared witless...but I don't, so...

In the event of my death...

Posthumously publish all the mean and terrible things I've ever said and done. Let it be known across that land that it was I who said them and did them.

you do it to tourself. you do. And noone else...

I fell down and knicked my knee,
bruised a little...
but,
I was dancing in the streets.
Tomorrow I will walked with a gimpy gait,
but at these times
 i will not
forsake.

The Number Four Means DEATH in Japanese...

In the event of my death... I normally avoid even numbers,  especially even numbers in the increment of four.  I , while sipping the delicious beverage i concocted myself earlier, glanced down upon the surface and counted....  ... .. . 8 ice cubes. AAAAAAArgh! I said. That is shi@te luck, for sure. At which point, moments later, I TIPPED THE DRINK APON MY UNSUSPECTING COMPUTER...and dried it off.
                                          If there had been three ice cubes, it may not have occurred?
                                                          Four? I may have choked on one and died...
                                                                And it would have melted,
                                                                     And you all would be wondering
                                                                                 What killed me.  -h.

postmortem analysis...

In the event of my death... There is a slight chance I could bore myself to death.
                                                 In aforementioned scenario,
                                                      put my dead body on a roller coaster,
                                                            without a seatbelt...
                                                                  I feel less bored already.  -h.

My cousin Audrey ...

Told me this...
                      And in the event of my death....
                             Be kind,
                                      to people,
                                            and don't be lazy in your ART.
                         Thank you, Aud. Love, h.

My kitchen is a library of discarded foods...

And I am, and have on recent occasion attempted to make dinner from these remnants...ugh.   The pot doth boil over with YUCK...I think I will go to bed and clean it up in the morn. - h.

when I said...

If I killed a man in the first degree....

Baby would you flee with me?-The Black Keys

But would you?

                             -...h.

I'm still thinking, I am still thinking...

I am still thinking, I am still thinking,..oooh,...a penny. F*@CK....I am still thinking.


                                               still thinking.... -h.

In the event of a double decker bus...crashing into us...

To die by you're side would be a heavenly way to die...a ten ton truck?

I guess we'll find out....

Fortune cookie fortune...

Instead of putting one foot in front of the other in order to find the path, set it all on fire and the path will present itself...   -m.

Ennui...

In the event of my death,..".hrmph." A fortune cookie fortune...-h.

THE SQURRELS IN THIS TOWN...

In the event of my death,...Please don"t let the hungry, crazy, insane squirrels in this town eat my body. I want to be cremated. And I would prefer if my ashes did not sit on a mantle someplace, gathering dust and remembrance...throw them away,...where the squirrels won't use them for bedding. -h.

DARK ROASTED PRE-GROUND PERUVIAN COFFEE...

makes me wish I WERE dead. In the event of my death, find the bag of coffe in my cupboard and throw it out. -h.

there is couscous on the kitchen floor...

In the event of my death... tell noah i am sorry for the cous cous that I spilled all over the kitchen floor. It feels super yucky on bare feet.

if a car should hit me...

kill me if i am invalid. I mean, really, look at the word...i n v a l i d.  Ouch. -h.

I should stop....

DRINKING everything in town.  Glug. Glug.  Rocky mountain high... Colorado.

In the Event of MY Death...

today...get my laundry out of the machine, unless you think I'm not a snappy dresser, which I'm not, but there's a pile of free clothes on Maxwell. Come and get it. In the event of my death, of course...

Time will tell.   -m.

In the Event of My Death...

In the event of my death... I am sorry that my bedroom is in such disarray. Deplorable it is, but at least I am wearing clean underwear...but my socks are dirty.  My mom always told me..."Always wear clean underwear in case you end up in the hospital."...or if you are dead.   -h.